Monday, October 31, 2016

The Bro Test

After some plugging around on the Internet for the creation of the Hipster Test, my meta-analysis had a lot of extraneous data laying around and I decided there was enough to make two more personality tests.  The second one, the one here, is to determine if you are a Bro.

Category I (worth 1 point for each yes answer)

1.  You wear shorts outside when there is snow on the ground.

2.  You played any of the following sports in high school: football, lacrosse, or hockey.

3.  You have a "dress up" baseball cap.

4.  You use the word "dude" as an interjection.

5.  You own a neon sign that is a beer company logo.

Category II (worth 3 points for each yes answer)

1.  You envy the body of a professional wrestler (not Rikishi) and you are over the age of 35.

2.  You drink "supplements."

3.  Your favorite drinkware is a red Solo Cup (which you use to drink "supplements").

4.  Your #1 pick for celebrity that you wish was your best friend is Joe Rogan.

5.  You have a collection of "authentic jerseys."

Category III (worth 5 points for each yes answer)

1.  You have a bar in the basement of your house.

2.  You own a bracelet made by William Henry.

3.  You proudly display your fraternity paddle over the mantle of your fireplace.

4.  You refer to muscles with single syllable words in regular conversation.

5.  You greet everyone with a hand clasp and a backpat hug.

Category IV (worth 1,000,000 points)

1. You purchased a Humvee for personal use.


0-5 points: Retire your jersey collection and you have escaped the lion's mouth unharmed.  

6-10 points:A goatee is sprouting right now.  You can still turn it around, but there will always be a bro-cloud hanging over your head.

11-20 points: Its official--full on bro status--grab a beer, get a workout in, and go to a fraternity reunion party. 

21-1,000,000: What are you waiting for--commission William Henry to make you a jewel-studded bicep bracelet in your college's colors right now!

I scored a 0.  I have very little connection to the Bro world, but I would own a neon sign of a beer company if I found one cheap.  Neon is awesome.  


  1. Am I glad I found this. I was just considering the William Henry kevlar bracelet.



  2. Am I glad I found this. I was just considering the William Henry kevlar bracelet.



  3. #4 shows an East Coast bias, dude.

    1. Yeah, smacks of NE regionalism. Dude: what else do speakers under 45 say, in casual US speech, to express emphasis or surprise?

      Also, shouldn't addressing male non-relatives as "bro" count toward brohood?

      I got 5 pts. About right.

  4. 1 point for "Dude" and 3 points for supplements - assuming protein counts.

    Don't have any jerseys to retire, though...

  5. Scored zero. Also had to google William Henry. Instavomit.

    I think there's some items missing. I should've scored something probably. I'm 29, was in a fraternity in college (we didn't have paddles), and I'm considering a diesel truck for my next vehicle. So I should be in the prime 'bro' demographic, theoretically.